GET THAT JOB!

These are some excerpts from actual job application letters. There are responses from imaginary HRM. Laugh and learn.

"I am just a fresh graduate looking for space to grow."
HRM: "Sounds like you're a plant looking for space to grow. Sorry, our organisation only employs people."

"I really wish to joining your company and start mt carrier."
HRM: "What carrier do you want to start? Lorry transport? Delivery service? Bag business? Hello, this vacancy is for an accounts executive."

"I am already finished my Bachelor of Computer Science."
HRM: "This applicant finish-lah, got no chance."

"Please don't be hesitate to inform me for the immediate interview at anytime."
HRM: "You think your resume is so impressive that I'll call you for an immediate interview? Think again."

"I am fresh graduated in Diploma Management from ABC College."
HRM: "Fresh graduated? More like freshly baked. Can't even get your diploma name correct."

"I wants to apply a jobs in your company."
HRM: "You wany to apply for how many jobs? Don't be greedy. Apply for one at a time."

"I hope you can consider my application openhandedly and I really appreciate all your attentions."
HRM: "How dare you imply I am underhanded in my job? I'm certainly not going to give you any attention at all. Into the shredder you go."

"Although I do not have any actual working experience pertaining to the real world, however I will perform well in your company base on the heart for working hard."
HRM: "You have working experience in another world? Which is it - virtual world or afterworld? By the way, have you had a doctor check if your heart can take hard work?"

"Before, I was further my study after SPM at XYZ Institute."
HRM: "You furthered your study before or after SPM? Had to be after, right? Why start the sentence with before?"

"If my soul of knowledge meet your minima criteria, please be inform that I'm willing to start with low range of monthly salary."
HRM: "Knowledge has a soul? Are you a religious fanatic? Even if you offer to work for free, I'll pass, thank you very much."

"I would very much appreciate if you could put this matter due consideration."
HRM: "Let's put this matter to rest. You're not getting the job as an assistant editor."

"I request your good self to consider my application sympathetically? So that it will be of great boon to my ailling family, and I shall be ever grateful to you."
HRM: "I only offer my sympathies to those who are bereaved, not to job applicants. What's the matter with your family anyway? Are they all struck with an incurable illness?"